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I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.