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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"