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From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.