Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
People: What a bunch of bastards!
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.