Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.