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We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."