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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.