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Vodka is just amazing water.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.