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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...