Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.