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Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)