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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.