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I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?