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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
and alcohol are now friends.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.