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I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks