Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.