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I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.