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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.