Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.