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Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.