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PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.