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The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.