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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.