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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain β€œadult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe
YouΒ΄re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!