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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
A wise man, will often say nothing
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point