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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
My life is loosely based on a true story.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.