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Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.