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"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.