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like this if you are against animal cruelty
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.