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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?