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I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.