Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords