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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.