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I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...