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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.