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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.