Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
I just threw up my weekend.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.