Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.