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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Is Nudeism a religion?
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.