Daily Silly Status

I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.

Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.

Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”

You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?

Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.

Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.

When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.

is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.

Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.

I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.

Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…

Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.

You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|

I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”