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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.