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3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.