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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.