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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
Soup of the day: Beer
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.