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They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
Life`s short ... Drink fast