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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.