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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.