Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.