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If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.