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My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.