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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
Very productive day today, turd-wise
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.