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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.