Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.