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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with