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I always keep a google search for "how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them" open on my phone in case anyone steals it.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.