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Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?