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I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.